Rise of the Shadow ... Time Flies

Wow, I totally did not realized that it had been so long since i updated this blog, more like my personal diary anyway. Looking back at all the cheesy things i wrote, reminds me of Chuunibyo, hahaha

Anyway, life has been quite good for me. Met with a lot of people, gained more experience and knowledge, got a lot of connections and networks. Seen many pretty girls come and go =P Got myself involved in clubs and societies, and eventually was a part of a student organization. Spent my 2014 year building that organization up, so there is some sense of achievement and attachment there.

There are times when its up, and there are times when its down. Now is probably a down time for me, as i slowly realized that my college/university life is finally coming to an end, it's almost time to go into the workforce, i am filled with fear and anxiety and uncertainties.

But no matter what, I am really blessed with all the people I met and things i did during my time in college. All those little things are what made me who i am today. Without them, I will be incomplete.

Wrap Up 2011!!!

I know i haven't blog anything for a very very VERY LONG time....
I'm just too busy with other stuffs, like my assignments, my projects, planning for events etc etc etc... Lets just say i really made full use of my time ^^
As a final wrap up to 2011, i just wanna make a note of my achievements throughout this whole year.

1. Being an Emcee with a friend of mine is one of the most unique experience i had this year. It's not easy for us to actually stand on stage and speak, nevertheless lead the event !?!? Anyway, it really taught me a lot on how to present myself on stage and to make eye contacts with the audiences. Not to say i'm looking forward to it again, let's just say, i won't be so nervous if i am given a chance again ^^

2. With many relationship issues with the guys in the beginning of the year, it took me almost half a year to solve the whole issue. The guys were unhappy with how easily i become emo and negative. It brings bad mood to any situation. I'm glad we managed to sort it out somehow and managed to go on with our lives. Else its gonna bug me for as long as it could. This whole ordeal made me stronger and happier, i've became less emo, smile a lot, and essentially become happy-go-lucky* (subjects to certain situations) I'm still a workaholic in the essence.

3. I was asked to join INTI Student Academic Conference (ISAC) from my school head. Originally, i was having my own doubts on my ability, but with some encouragements from friends and families, i pushed on and managed to get into the final 10 place, with participants coming from all INTI campuses, including Sabah and Sarawak. I gotta say, i was REALLY NERVOUS thinking about going on stage at that time. Presenting my topic on Autonomous Surveillance and Home Environment System (ASHES) in front of public is one of the best experience i ever had in my life. I ENJOYED it. I found that i really love to share my researches and findings to everyone, and i no longer felt afraid of going on stage. Sure, butterflies will still be in the stomach but it become natural once i started talking. So its fine, i'm looking forward to something similar again ^^

4. I was a part of many committees organizing many stuffs throughout the whole year, Some succeeded, some failed... well that's just part of the planning procedures, not everything will ever go according to plan. We gotta learn from our mistakes and not making it on our next try. I guess i have expanded my experiences again with these opportunities. Getting to know new people, working with people with different abilities and identifying people that are able to take over once we are gone.

5. I gotta say, the last part is kinda sad.... I have managed to survive 2011 SINGLE T.T not that i'm very proud of it, but at least i am living my life to the fullest with many other stuffs that needed my attention. Relationships is just not what my priority is now. Sure who doesn't want to have a girlfriend waiting for him to call and say I love you dear, good night? But for now i wanna focus more on expanding my abilities for a better future. I wanna make sure my gf will be having a better life with me when i'm more stabled. Even though i'm single, i had my fair shares of mini-dates with girl friends throughout the whole year ^^ haha so i guess in the end i am still one hell of a lucky bastard :P

Well that's about all for the wrap up of this eventful year. I'm not sure if i will blog any time soon. Until next time. Wish me all the best ^^

Undeciding heart

Seriously... things are getting tough...
for some reason, i'm really really feeling left out recently...
there were the issue about me and the boys.... they often left me there alone.... whether intentional or not. I won't know but its hard to ignore that....
i'm always a person who wants attention... SERIOUS attention....
so i'm really feeling down whenever i think of that...

now move on from that issue...
there's the serious issue about her...
for what reason i am attracted to her... I DON'T KNOW
but i am becoming aware to the fact that as my teammate, she ain't able to do much
being a leader that i am, i'm always soft on the girls.... now, i seriously wanna be strict on them... which will most likely come to a case where she might dislike me or be annoyed of me... i wonder if i really am able to handle that when it really happens?

she often leave me cold and hot.... i really am unsure on what to do... what to say... ppl often say be normal... i am being normal... but usually that means i always say the wrong things... or things ppl might misinterpret ... which i am scared to make that kinda mistake....

regardless of which, like what i said earlier...
i will focus on my task at the moment, to finish my diploma, to make sure everyone of them makes it...
as i'm really afraid of classmates relationship where it will have serious positive or extreme negative effects... i'm just not ready yet.... wish me luck as usual...

Lost....

I know when i aim to do things...
I will do my best to the extend of obsession...
i know when i fail at things...
I will be emo-ing for a long period of time...
I know when i fall for a person...
I will wish that she pays attention to me...
I know when i love a person...
I will not think twice about doing things for her sake...
I know when i hate a person...
I will hate them from the very bottom of my heart...

I know i still have feelings for her...
I always wish she will reply to whatever i messaged...
yet not always did that happened...
even so... i still pray...
pray for her to fall for me...
even though i have nothing special for her to fall for...
even with that... i wish to see her everyday ... smiling for me
that will be enough for me to move on... facing the hardship of life...
for the sake of her and me... together... we will be invincible....

That sinking feeling

Every now and then,
i will surely go emo.... without a solid reason
guess those were the days that defies logics
i'm torn apart by different thoughts....
i wish to be fit...muscular.... and cool-looking
yet, i never take any actions toward it...
i wish to capture a girl's heart... her heart
yet, i never did the right thing...never satisfy her
i wish to be better, best of the best
yet, i never take up the responsibility that comes with it
all i ever do is wish....
and from time to time, i will have emo breakdown that breaks down those wishes
into fragments of time that i had wasted

most people view me as someone who's always positive....
since i have a latent ability of a leader
but lack of the disciplines needed to lead well
am i really that good ?
no one knows except for myself...
guess the only way to find out is to continuing doing what i do best
LEAD THE WAY....

now i'm starting to feel that feeling again...
the feeling i once thought i had lost...
she's still important to me...
but i'm way scared to do anything now...
one wrong move... everything is gone...
thats scary....
i want her as a friend.... i want her more ...
i'm torn apart by this....
yet i'm also feeling that time will reveal itself soon...
let time unfolds.... the entangled feelings of mine...
hopefully by then, awaken her feelings for me too

nothing much i can do except being myself and stop making a fool of myself

Wish me luck then XD

Valentine's bloom and gloom

Valentine's here finally...
a lot of people are getting flowers everywhere
some of my friends got it too

as for me, i'm not giving anything to anyone... (sounds like whining huh?)
one year had passed since my last relationship.
i managed to stay true to what i said after all. Not having another relationship until college over.... i wonder how long can i hold on to that ?
I planned to give something to the girls in my class. I failed to fold the origami hearts the day before valentine... and guess what ? i managed to fold it perfectly on v-day ^^ ... but its kinda too late for it right ?
anyway i plan to proceed giving it to them anyway... no harm trying... just hope i can remain calm and not embarrassed myself doing so.

Aside from the blooming part... here comes the gloom part
other than the love in the air throughout the whole day, there's a slight sadness lingering in the air. My lecturer's dad just passed away after being taken off life support. Its hard for me to imagine him being so sad... i guess its normal, i did cried when both my grandpa's died... so i understand how he feels...
anyway... too many things happened in such short while... things will surely get overloaded quickly.....
well wish me luck to overcome anything that stops me from reaching my goal ^^

~New Year New Life~

Its been freaking long since my last post.
Been busy and lazy at the same time.
CNY has just passed by a few days. Valentine's around the corner.
It reminds me that one year ago, we were together, now we are apart.
Not that i'm sad though, but i'm just feeling slightly down...
Another issue is with that girl... Well I'm no longer sure i am interested in her, or rather i kind of lost interest (temporarily) to girls... lost the urge to chase them
maybe i got tired of it and also getting rejected 99% of the times
Anyway assignments are piling up, stress is building up, time is running out
I need to pull myself together and work-like-a-holic to finish them...
As usual i need all the wish and prayers i can get. Wish me luck ^^