Wrap up for Year 2009...

Its the time of the year again. Another wonderful year is coming to an end.
Be it happy or sad or mad or whatever, the memories will stay with me forever.

I'll try to make it simpler this time. Unlike last year's =.=
Jan - I've entered the life of a Form 5 student, facing the hardship of a F5 student and stressed out preparing for SPM.
Feb - Ntg much happened. Except the fact that a solar eclipse occurred during the 1st day of CNY. And i was rushing to view it. But too bad i couldn't. *sigh* I also took my undang-undang courses and test and passed. (no flying colours T.T )
Mar - Started my 1st motorcycle and car training. It was damn fun and nerve-wrecking experience. I started to get a hang on it. Though there r a bit ups and downs.
Apr - I entered the same cooking competition last year. But sadly i didn't make it to the finals. The reason that i lost? No comments. I will say its just bcoz it ain't our luck this time. Besides the failure at the cooking competition, i managed to passed all my practical driving and riding test. Yay!!! (while most of my friends failed a part of it) I guess i juz got lucky.
May - The plannings for Astronomy day is slowly coming to pieces. Ntg much happened besides the fact that i'm running out of days to start to prepare myself for SPM.>.<
Jun - The astronomy convention is back !!! I went there for 3 whole days, doing ntg... well playing my friends laptop. haha. The nights aren't so clear, so we didn't manage to see much throughout the 3 days.
Jul - Preparation for the astronomy day are having some minor problems. I've been their somehow unofficial advisor and critic, giving them idea n suggestion and trying to help them overcome these problems.
Aug - The whole astronomy day was a mess. Everyone went haywired. and plans all backfired. I stayed back in the meeting with them. I listened to everything they had to say, i wasn't planned to speak until the vice president asked me to. Then i started stating out the facts of what they do wrong and how to do it right. Honestly i was plainly dissapointed. I worked at PC fair (its my 1st time doing a part time job) and my paternal grandfather passed away on the 1st day i worked.
Sep - I went to Singapore to attend my cousin's wedding. Thats was like crazy... we had to rushed along here n there , trying to get form one end to another end of singapore etc. But overall its fun, coz i like singapore. The public transports are so advanced that i can go there alone with no problems traveling around.
Oct - Something happened here that could say opened another chapter of my life. Also time was getting short of the SPM preparation.
Nov - Its now or never time. Its juz few weeks b4 the actual examination starts. I'm still idling around. Slowly starting to forced myself to study haha
Dec - Finally everything has come to an end. SPM is over. I suddenly feel so lost. Dunno what i wanna do next. I just waste my days after days doing ntg, not even going out a lot. Unlike my other friends, who went to traveling juz a few days after exam ended. I juz dun feel like doing anything anymore.

Comments of this year :
Overall, this year had been fun, i've managed to get myself a driver's license, i managed to prepared myself for SPM (luckily). and many more. I looked back into all those years in secondary school. I wondered if i had grown? I looked back even further to when i was still in primary school , and pondered am i still the same as i used to ? The answer is i dunno. One thing bad about being human is that we can see all the faults in others but we can never see the faults in ourself, not even by using a mirror. Another chapter of my life had juz ended, its time to start a new chapter. Though moving on is a hard thing for me, it wasn't easy then , it still isn't easy now. Honestly to say, i juz hate year ends, it means everything is over , we have to start again next year. Starting over is not a bad thing, i juz dislike it. I will try to face life like i always do, as a shadow that watched down on all, n try to help anyone that needs help, keeping in touch with my primary classmates
I guess this is how i am, n this is how i will be , now n in the future.

Wish everyone a happy new year and myself too. Wish i can find my ways to face the future and find the road that belongs to me to walk down n accomplish something in life ^^

A lonely road...

*sigh*, i really dunno wat to write now. My mind is all messed up

I'm feeling so stressful now. I juz hope for anybody to be with me now. especially her, but she's busy i guess.

y am i stressed out ?? Good question. 1st , a lot of problems r happening out of my hands, losing control over things, then again, i can't control everything. I'm juz damn tired.

Sometimes, i wonder, y do i always work so hard for nothing ? i never asked for any returns for wateva i did. Never (well as far as i recalled , NEVER) y? Simple, coz i'm afraid to ask. I'm afraid that if i asked ppl will look at me as a person who works for payment. Well i'm not. I always do wat i want juz bcoz i wanted to , i always do things bcoz i like it, even if ppl force me to do something, if i dun feel like doing it , then i'm not gonna do it. Thats juz how i am .
Now i really feel very lazy... Living away my days... Wasting time, doing ntg but staying online, playing facebook, and sitting in my chair thinking - thinking about wat is going on in my life ?

Primary friends r breaking down... Secondary friends r losing contact (thats mainly my fault coz i never did try to contact them)... Future is unknown... Working pressure... And many other things...

Maybe i feel pressured its bcoz i placed all the burden on myself... maybe
Without that i wonder wat i could do ?

I went out today, to meet a friend, to give her some leftover books that i'm not gonna use anymore. She's there with her older friend whom she call "Dad" and originally she was suppose to follow me after we meet up... but then she felt a bit bad to leave that guy so she stays with him n leave me there.. walking alone in QB..

Well i do understand her reason, coz that guy always buy her things and take her out to eat for free. Btw that guy is working now. So i never say anything else. I juz walked away alone, walking around that mall, suddenly i felt that mall is so big... or it is juz bcoz when a person walking alone, anything or everything around it feels so empty and big... Now that i think back , i've always been alone, though i am surrounded by ppl all the time, but my inner self always make me stay away or lose interest to remain in contact with them... making me a loner... even though i hate to be lonely.

Ppl often come to me to tell me their problem, i live by that kinda life for the last few yrs. i'm getting used to it, i learned a lot from all these complaining, a lot about life, how to deal with life , how to deal with decision, how to deal with love. But i never manage to learn one thing, how to many my own emotion, since i often listen to ppl's problem, i never did tell ppl my own problem, or rather i couldn't find anyone to really tell them. So i ended up walking down the road alone again...I guess i always have been alone, i guess being friendly n kind is juz a facade... I dun even noe wats true n wats fake anymore. I once tell ppl that i might not live beyond 20 yrs old. n i'm starting to think thats gonna happen.

NO... i'm not gonna suicide, thats a bit too much... for now, but i will die of other reasons, such as , depression (hmm do i have that ?) , hypertension, heart attack , stroke, and many other

These will all happen bcoz i' building up immense pressure inside of me, the pressure that i couldn't release. I wonder if it will release itself every 6 yrs.
coz its almost 6 yrs ago that i beat up liang san. I've lost a good friend juz bcoz of a pityful misunderstanding, i was overpowered by anger, i also beat up the girls that tried to stop us, and that makes me regret the most. from then on , i swore to myself never to lift a hand against any women anymore. N after that, ppl say i changed, i'm no longer that hot tempered person anymore. Well to be honest i feel the same too. But i still have minor outburst from time to time, mostly in the house.

I could really use the company of someone special... special in my heart, giving me support all the way, try to relieve me of my loneliness, try to cheer me up when i'm down...
i sometimes wonder, ppl always sought me as an advisor(unofficial), am i really that good ? i dun think so, i am , still a human, and human's make mistakes, human have emotions, n human r mostly blinded by emotions.

For now, i think i will remain walking down the road alone, as i usually do , i liked to have company, but i never did work to search for one. irony huh ?
Life's not always fair, i tried my best to make this year's reunion a success... but problems after problems kept popping out. I'm really tired, n feel like doing ntg, juz waiting for ppl to call me to ask if i wanna go ...

But if i were to do that, i wonder if we still have any reunion left.
Friends r leaving me soon... after that i will be left alone again.

I am the shadow, living in the dark , serving to help by concealing myself, i will always do my best to help others to make them happy , at the cost of my own happiness

I am the shadow, as a shadow , i will exist as long as light exist.
I wonder how i will be 10 yrs from now... will i be married ? will i have children by then ? will i be dead ? i dunno , there's a lot of variables in life, each decision is like a chain reaction, it will link from one to the next.

I really for once really felt so depressed, feel so helpless, felt so useless...
I think i better stop now, i'm been writing for dunno how long. haiz.
WIsh me luck so that i can get over this everything.... ^^

Weird dream~~~ o.O

I'm juz wondering.. how do we dream ? and why do we dream ?

Its juz one of those day where i dreamt of something really weird...
Like last night i dreamt about an one classmate of mine...

I was like... what the.. well i din expect to see her in my dream. But somehow i feel like laughing when i think back about that dream.
Its juz like a movie playback of wat we did quite a while ago.

We juz sat there talking to each other about our lifes and what we wanted to do after this and etc. Its like... o.O i wonder y do i even had that dream ?

Man... maybe its bcoz i'm juz very tired or something. Well its almost end of the year 2009. I guess its almost time for a yearly recap soon. I'll probably write something later. Now i'm juz a bit tired since my right arm is not doing so well. it tends to get cramps = =

Well hope my right hand can get better soon (though i'm a lefty i rely on my right a lot). Thats it for now. ^^

An unexpected encounter ...

Today was juz a normal as any other boring days in my life...

until i suddenly received a message from a long lost friend (i lost contact with her)

I was very happy to hear from her again and finally have a way to keep in touch with her again. She was one of our classmates from 6M.

Speaking of her... It reminds me of her when we were still in standard 6, we sat together... At that time, she was kinda fierce and a bit violent, but then again she was kinda cute and has a soft side unknown to all others.

And i managed to chat with her for the whole day today, and i think she will come to the reunion party, after all, i dun really remember her attending any of it except the 1st reunion i organized.

She changed quite a lot, at least thats what i thought from what i can hear from her. She's slightly feminine (or at least try to be) and i guess that makes me feel a bit shocked coz i always picture her as a fiercer girl. Well time does makes ppl change.

Speaking of change, time did changed me. I, from the super hot-tempered person i am when i was in standard 6, had turned into a emo guy, with a bit of control over the temper. haha XD ... Well that is for all of u to judge.

Anyway, its kinda late now, i need to fetch my aunt to the airport tomorrow early in the morning, so i better slp now. Wish me good luck in seeing her in the party ^^

Christmas eve celebration + Welcoming Party for Baby Claris

I noe its waaayyy past Christmas eve now... But i wasn't feeling well so i couldn't post this earlier..

Well, after weeks and weeks of planning... Its time for the~~~ Christmas Eve Party!!!

My cousin organized this party at the Sea Palace Restaurant. and on this day , the restaurant is also packed with a wedding dinner. Luckily we managed to booked a small party room with karaoke system for everyone to sing a long ^^


Here's a photo of our organizers and the main star of this event --- Baby Claris!!!

Hehe... we had a lot of fun throughout the whole night. We had some karaoke sessions, and a bidding for charity event which the money collected will be used to buy daily necessities for the old folks home. (Its the season of giving ^^)

Too bad i couldn't enjoy the party to the fullest coz my stomach wasn't feeling very well... but i still managed to sing some songs and dance along... Its been a long time since i had that much fun. I hope our class gathering will be as successful as this.... Let us hope for the best. Wish me luck ^^

Here are some photos of the dinner ^^ :

What a lovely couple XD ^^


Roasted Little Piggy (o..o)

Dancing time~~~

Sick..... T.T

Well i am sick today....
dunno wat i ate... it makes my stomach upset...
and i've been sitting in this chair agonizing for the whole night T.T

Haiz... well put that aside...

My nieces from singapore has came to visit us and the baby ^^ (my other cousin's almost 2 month old baby)

And they r really a pack of energetic bunch^^ they kept running around the house and they r also fun to watch ^^

Anyway... i'm really having a headache with my business things, and some of the gathering things... I juz hope everything will turn out fine.

Wish me all the best but 1st hope i get well soon ^^ then the rest i'll leave it to fate ^^

Time flies... Friends says goodbye

I've juz went out with friends today... sooo tired... but its nevertheless fun, coz its been almost forever since i went out. (somehow i felt very lazy n not wanting to go out)

Throughout all these 5 years in secondary school... i never really notice a lot of things, nor i ever try to notice. I wonder why is that ? Is is bcoz i have changed ? or is it juz bcoz i don't bother to notice it ?

Likewise, throughout these 5 years, i can't really recall of having any conflict with anyone... ok maybe juz one. I really can't stand that guy. But i'm not gonna say anymore about him. *delete him out of my mind*

But it seems like everyone has a conflict of their own... And is it possible for me to help them sort out that conflict ??? I wonder...

Looking at these makes me wonder , is friendship and love really such a fragile thing? Is it even possible to break even the best of friends apart? I don't noe

But what i do noe is that i will still continue with my duty (self-proclaimed duty) of maintaining good terms with everyone from my primary class. And hopefully can try to solve some of those conflicts.

I, the bridge that holds the links between all, even though we will be far apart, this bridge will extends it length to hold on to each other. Even though we will slowly forget the fun times of our primary years, i will always try to remind everyone of the joy. Even though time will wear out even the strongest friendship, i will always find another way to strengthen it.

I wish i will still have the determination to fulfill those thoughts. May all co-operate and wish me all the best. This isn't something i can accomplish alone.
Friends will as friends forever, even though time makes us apart, this is what i truly believe.

Wish me all the luck with the success of this year's gathering ^^.

The end is the start of a new beginning ....

SPM is over now...

Suddenly i feel like something is missing... (i wonder what ?)

Everyone has made some decisions about what to do after this.
Some are going for HSC ... some going overseas... some just go to work...

Then, what about me ??? I didn't plan anything... I'm only planning for the gathering in January.

So i really am feeling a bit haywired inside... I don't know what to do , i don't know what to think... I'm just screwed...

I'm going to temporarily sell pens to waste my time while Ming Wei (my business partner) is in Australia. I'm just hoping that business will be good, since it's almost time for school to reopen.

So i guess, i will just do what i can for the moment and try not to think so much yet. This is a new chapter in my life and another step into the society...

If i can't handle this, then what will happen to me when i am 21 ? I don't even dare to think about it.

For the moment, let's just hope that my stationery business will be good and i will find my way in life soon. Wish me luck ^^

Pressure building up...

I wonder is it bcoz of the exams... or is it bcoz suddenly i notice that i've finally graduated from secondary school... or is it juz bcoz of the planning n preparation of my gathering ???

I wonder...

Who cares... as long as now i know i'm stressed out.
Feeling lethargic.. not wanting to do anything (including reading the 名居精华)

Earlier, i went to Than Hsiang temple to drop by and pay respect to my former form teacher. I told her a lot of things... and a lot of my problems too.

After doing so , i feel relieve, guess thats what happen to a pressure cooker..
when the pressure built up is tremendous, it releases it through a pressure hole...

Well now i'm totally blank about my future... and wat am i going to do for the next few months ... guess i'll juz leave it to fate.

I'll be signing off now . Wish me luck in finding my true way of life ... ^^

Dust piling up.... = =

Its been sooooo long since i last write an entry...
Mainly is bcoz of STUPID TM!!! which was unable to connect to the internet for almost 3 whole months.

3 Months = RM180 down the drain ... i really feel like cursing TM..

Put that aside, SPM is still around , and it's down to the last subject - Chinese
And i have about 5-6 days time to study for it
But being me, i won't even study until the very last moment.. so i guess i'll be wasting the next few days doing something or nothing.


But before that, allow me to sulk for a while... coz i made a horrible mistake in my Chemistry paper today... ok not one... but two horrible , terrible , vegetable mistakes...


Life goes on...i guess i juz have to suck it all up and make it a lesson.
This suddenly reminds me of a song from Gundam Seed Destiny titled "Life goes on".
*humming the song in my head* ^^


As usual, i'll be doing my best, so keep on cheer for me ^^ Wish me all the best ^^