Lost....

I know when i aim to do things...
I will do my best to the extend of obsession...
i know when i fail at things...
I will be emo-ing for a long period of time...
I know when i fall for a person...
I will wish that she pays attention to me...
I know when i love a person...
I will not think twice about doing things for her sake...
I know when i hate a person...
I will hate them from the very bottom of my heart...

I know i still have feelings for her...
I always wish she will reply to whatever i messaged...
yet not always did that happened...
even so... i still pray...
pray for her to fall for me...
even though i have nothing special for her to fall for...
even with that... i wish to see her everyday ... smiling for me
that will be enough for me to move on... facing the hardship of life...
for the sake of her and me... together... we will be invincible....

That sinking feeling

Every now and then,
i will surely go emo.... without a solid reason
guess those were the days that defies logics
i'm torn apart by different thoughts....
i wish to be fit...muscular.... and cool-looking
yet, i never take any actions toward it...
i wish to capture a girl's heart... her heart
yet, i never did the right thing...never satisfy her
i wish to be better, best of the best
yet, i never take up the responsibility that comes with it
all i ever do is wish....
and from time to time, i will have emo breakdown that breaks down those wishes
into fragments of time that i had wasted

most people view me as someone who's always positive....
since i have a latent ability of a leader
but lack of the disciplines needed to lead well
am i really that good ?
no one knows except for myself...
guess the only way to find out is to continuing doing what i do best
LEAD THE WAY....

now i'm starting to feel that feeling again...
the feeling i once thought i had lost...
she's still important to me...
but i'm way scared to do anything now...
one wrong move... everything is gone...
thats scary....
i want her as a friend.... i want her more ...
i'm torn apart by this....
yet i'm also feeling that time will reveal itself soon...
let time unfolds.... the entangled feelings of mine...
hopefully by then, awaken her feelings for me too

nothing much i can do except being myself and stop making a fool of myself

Wish me luck then XD

Valentine's bloom and gloom

Valentine's here finally...
a lot of people are getting flowers everywhere
some of my friends got it too

as for me, i'm not giving anything to anyone... (sounds like whining huh?)
one year had passed since my last relationship.
i managed to stay true to what i said after all. Not having another relationship until college over.... i wonder how long can i hold on to that ?
I planned to give something to the girls in my class. I failed to fold the origami hearts the day before valentine... and guess what ? i managed to fold it perfectly on v-day ^^ ... but its kinda too late for it right ?
anyway i plan to proceed giving it to them anyway... no harm trying... just hope i can remain calm and not embarrassed myself doing so.

Aside from the blooming part... here comes the gloom part
other than the love in the air throughout the whole day, there's a slight sadness lingering in the air. My lecturer's dad just passed away after being taken off life support. Its hard for me to imagine him being so sad... i guess its normal, i did cried when both my grandpa's died... so i understand how he feels...
anyway... too many things happened in such short while... things will surely get overloaded quickly.....
well wish me luck to overcome anything that stops me from reaching my goal ^^

~New Year New Life~

Its been freaking long since my last post.
Been busy and lazy at the same time.
CNY has just passed by a few days. Valentine's around the corner.
It reminds me that one year ago, we were together, now we are apart.
Not that i'm sad though, but i'm just feeling slightly down...
Another issue is with that girl... Well I'm no longer sure i am interested in her, or rather i kind of lost interest (temporarily) to girls... lost the urge to chase them
maybe i got tired of it and also getting rejected 99% of the times
Anyway assignments are piling up, stress is building up, time is running out
I need to pull myself together and work-like-a-holic to finish them...
As usual i need all the wish and prayers i can get. Wish me luck ^^